it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize