Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
