recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
