May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
