Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
