it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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