If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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