fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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