Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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