the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
