I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
