The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize