If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize