You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
