I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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