wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are the jesus of drinking
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
