i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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