Will you blow on my dice?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A bitchslap is in order.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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