i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
