he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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