I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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