drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
