I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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