We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize