Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
