Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize