I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
