im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize