Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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