so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You need Xanax blowdarts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
