At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
