i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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