K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i've created a new STD.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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