Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
