did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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