i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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