Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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