Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
