I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
