If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
someone owes me an orgasm
i will never coherently bang her
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
