i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
