remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize