Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
