They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this just has baby written all over it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
