Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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