WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize