I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
