There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
