Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
