i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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