This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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