I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize