The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
