I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
