Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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