you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
