I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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