All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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