I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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