So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
