theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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