i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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