i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
