Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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