wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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