I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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